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A COMEDY OF TERRORS - Sample

Trailer - A Comedy of Terrors

 
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'A Comedy of Terrors' is a comic fantasy novel available from MuseItUp Publishing and Amazon.

 

"To Segorian Anderson, women were an open book. The problem was - he'd never learned to read."

 

Download Excerpt - PRC (Kindle)

Download Excerpt - EPUB

 

 

PROLOGUE:

Allow me to introduce myself. I’m an Idiot.

This wouldn’t be news to anyone who knows me, apart from my mother. She believes me to be an incredible idiot and would be amazed I’d been able to improve to just 'idiot.’ Her view is probably more accurate. She’s known me even longer than I have.

If I'm going to be totally honest (a bad habit I’m trying to break), Idiot is only one of my names. To the Elves, I’m 'Oh-god-it-eez-eem-aygayn'. To the dwarves I’m 'Bugger-lock-the-door-and-keep-quiet-he-might-go-away'. To the Halflings—actually, I don't know what the Halflings call me. I can't ask. They have a restraining order, and really good lawyers. With writs - writs with nails in.

But still, I’m an Idiot. And not unhappy with that. It's a well-paying job with no heavy lifting.

Job? Sorry. I can see you're confused. As you can tell, I'm not very good at this. Let me start again.

Segorian Anderson, Royal Idiot at your service. Well. Not at your service at the Queen's service. And gods above, every ruler needs an Idiot. Queen Sonea? She has me.

That’s Queen Sonea of Peladon. Or Sonea, Queen of Peladon. I can never remember the proper form. I’ll get exiled for it one day.

No. I'm not the Jester. Not the Fool. I don't wear motley (whatever motley may be) and I don’t tell complicated jokes nobody understands, giving me an excuse to bash them on the head with a pig's bladder. Besides, that's a different union.

I'm an Idiot.

Whenever something goes wrong, there has to be somebody to blame. When a visiting dignitary has wine spilled down their tunic—some idiot spilt it. When the generals lose a battle—some idiot read their plans wrong. When the Royal Pageant starts out on a bright sunny day, and the bright sun turns to dark clouds, and the dark clouds to hissing pourin...oh. I forgot. Nobody cares about the weather report. Anyway. Some idiot wrote down the wrong day in the Royal Calendar.

I'm the Idiot.

When the call comes, the Queen's people pull out something relevant -  servant's tabard, perhaps a Colonel's uniform—and I go to my duty. I stand where I must stand. Some people shout at me for a while, and I'm banished from the Kingdom forever for my grievous sins. The offended parties feel vindicated, and nobody important has to suffer unduly. I accept my exile, at least as far as the back door to the castle, and then I slip back inside. To wait for the next time. Because everybody needs an Idiot.

Like I said, it's a well-paying job. And no heavy lifting. Or it was. Until the dragon...

Comments

Judi's picture

Oh Graeme, it's lovely -so tantalizing, so intriguing and I am particularly charmed by the accent (the voice in my head while I am reading has a very familiar accent, not sure where he gets it from:)

Wishing you buckets of luck and bushels of patience. Congratulations to you, overnight success becomes you!

Judi

Graeme's picture

... hmmmm :-).

'A Comedy of Terrors has, um, been on the street looking for an Agent for about a year :-). But I guess that's overnight at one of the poles :-)).

The market being what it is right now, it never found one. But it found an electronic publisher - and now there's another year to wait until release.

Patience. Now, where did I leave it? Must be in my other pants... :-). But my thanks indeed for the kind words!

Jen's picture

Hello,

Heard about your blog from DM Yates- Book Blogs. I love the tone of this- very hilarious to read and I want to hear more. This is definitely an interesting character! I will definitely be back to visit. Check out my blog too when you can. I am a book blogger, let me know if you ever need book reviews or know anyone who does. http://bookwormcastle.wordpress.com/

Graeme's picture

I wandered over to bookwormcastle and left some words there. Nice site- I think I'll be visiting you more often :-).

paul gallagher's picture

Saw the post on Judi Hartman's blog. Always interested in good story telling (I'm a song writer). Great tone and coversationsl rhythm. Would like to see the finshed product. I think it's an original premise. Good work!

paulgallagherexpress.com

Graeme's picture

And my greetings to you!

Well, I'd like to think it lives up to your view - but I have to confess to a some small prejudice in its favour :-P.

I'm not sure if I should mention it to a real songwriter, but of a time I write things not involving the Idiot. Some of them, I've been told, would benefit from an Irish fiddle and tin whistle. But I try not to mention those in public :-P. Anyway, I don't know any fiddle and tin whistle bands to find out :-P :-P.

Tricia's picture

Graeme - give us more than this sneak peak, when possible, puh-lease. Looks like a really fun read. Wish I had it in time for vacation next week...

Graeme's picture

Sadly, my publisher's contract only lets me use this much for pre-publicity. After all, if I kept giving away chapters, nobody would need to read buy it when it comes out :-).

So, if I may, what did you like best about the Prologue, and what did you like least? (Runs to get tin hat to shield him from slings and arrows of a woman with excellent taste :-P).

robbina2's picture

Can't wait until (July?) to read the official Idiot!

I fell in love with the query when it made it's ONE TIME WINNER debut in the shark waters. You've got a special gift if you can wow the socks of Janet while breaking all the rules(bugger the rules!).

Congratulations, G. I know you put a load of work into getting this work to meet the public eye. Let me know when it comes out, so I can nab one.

You've been a wonderful writing friend and I wish you the best in your future writing endeavors!

 

Angela Robbins (Lady A)

Graeme's picture

Heh. Like you needed to tell me which Lady A you were blushcheeky.

For any confused by those words, I've known Angela no little time. So she's probably hypnotised. Or mad. Or something. You should probably ignore everything she says blush.

But you shouldn't ignore what she doesn't say. Because her own book - 'Beast of Burden' - will be coming out from MuseItUp Publishing. And it's an excellent read. And I know. Because Segorian told me so... cheeky

robbina2's picture

You're too nice, g.

They should probably listen to what I said, too. ; )

I put a link to your site on my ya blog: http://holdinonto16.blogspot.com/ since i was finally able to get it up and running again. (geesh!)

Not that that matters much as of now-- with ZERO followers--it has little impact to you! : /       Hoping to change that soon!! : )

 

Angela Robbins (Lady A)

Melisa Fullager's picture

My Fiance (who works security at your building) told me to check out your site.....due to my avid love of reading.  Fantasy is usually not my fancy, but I got intrigued instantly from reading the sample.  I cant wait for the book to come out so I can continue reading it!!!!!!!!!!   I love how comfortable Segorian is with admitting his flaws so openly.  I am sure  everyone can relate in one way or another.  I also love how the plot just leaps off the page and grabs you witin thefirst sentence.   I know one thing is for sure.....this will be one interesting read!!!

Graeme's picture

... Lady Melissa!


Heh. It's good to know the subliminal hypnotic devices I secretly installed are working. On your fiance, at least!


I'm joking. Probably... cheeky.


Release is still scheduled for July. If you haven't already, feel free to go to the front page and sign up for the release day email. On the other hand, I suspect you'd hear about it anyway... blush.


 

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